Who Hates Their Best Friend’s Partner?
Just because you love your best friend doesn’t mean you love their choices, including their partners.
As the Maid of Honor, there’s often a lot of pressure to deliver “the perfect wedding speech.” This can feel like an impossible expectation that becomes even more challenging if you don’t like the groom.
I’m a professional wedding speechwriter who has written over 200 5-star wedding speeches. In today’s blog, I’ll share some tips and tricks on how to write a thoughtful and kind Maid of Honor Speech, even if you don’t like the groom!
Before you Start: Reality Check
I obviously don’t know the situation, or why you don’t like the groom; however, to get through the upcoming wedding, it’s essential to put things into perspective:
This speech isn’t about you.
Maybe that sounded harsh, but, honestly, a meaningful wedding speech is meant to focus on your friend and her life. While you might not like her choices, remember that a wedding speech is not the place to share your negative feelings about her marriage.
Tip #1: Focus Your Wedding Speech on Your Friend
Now that we’ve shifted our perspective, we can focus on something wonderful: your friend.
Before you start your speech, make a list of the qualities you love the most about your friend and narrow it down to one or two.
You’re going to use these one or two qualities to guide your speech by mentioning them early in the speech and choosing memories you’ve shared together that best exemplify these qualities.
You can build out your speech around your friend’s amazing qualities and wrap it all up by wishing her a wonderful marriage and ending with a quick cheers to the couple.
A fan favourite is: “to love, to laughter, to their happily ever after, to Brodi and Ashley.”
In this example, you’ve created a speech that focuses all on your friend and then meets the “wedding speech quota” by toasting the newlyweds at the end without having to focus on the partner.
Tip #2: What Does Your Friend Love About the Partner?
You can certainly make it through the whole speech without mentioning the groom, but if you’d like to acknowledge the groom in some way, think of what your friend loves about their partner. Does he always make her laugh?
You don’t need to agree with these qualities, but you can be clever in your speech and say something like: “my favourite thing about [groom or partner’s name] is how [friend’s name] tells me about how much he makes her laugh…”
You can play with the language in the speech and pay the groom a “compliment” through your friend, without actually sharing your feelings.
Why do this?
You don’t have to do this, especially if you absolutely hate the groom, but remember that your friend has chosen to spend their life with this person and so saying something nice, even if you don’t necessarily feel it, could be meaningful for your friend on her special day.
Tip #3: Tell a Story
If you want to write a full speech that congratulates the newlyweds without leaving out the groom, but you have nothing nice to say, ask around!
Like the example above, you can ask your friend what she loves about the groom, ask her family, ask mutual friends, coworkers, or anyone who might have a different opinion of him, so that you can tell a thoughtful story (even if it’s just fiction to you).
If you don’t want to draw attention to the fact that you don’t like the groom while doing your research, you can ask the question: “I’m brainstorming for my wedding speech, and I’m asking people what they like most about Brodi and Ashley.”
Take the research you gather and build a speech around the nice things other people share about the groom.
For example, if people say he’s kind and hardworking, you could say something like “[groom’s name or partner’s name] is an incredibly hardworking person who always lends a hand to help out friends and family…”
It’s technically true because other people have verified this fact, but it saves you from having to make something up!
Tip #4: Ask For What You Want
Tell the groom what kind of partner you want them to be to your friend! This doesn’t have to be aggressive or rude, it can actually be quite sweet.
- Positive reinforcement: [Groom’s name], [friend’s name] deserves the best life filled with love and laughter, and I know you’ll always put in the effort to make this life a reality for her.”
- Straightforward: [Groom’s name], always treat my best friend with the love and respect she deserves.”
You’re telling the groom what you expect from them without being aggressive–it’s a cheeky way to hint at the fact that you’ll be keeping an eye on things.
Writing Your Speech
Writing a wedding speech when you don’t like one of the partners can be incredibly frustrating and challenging. I hope these tips have helped you start thinking about how you can write your Maid of Honor speech, even if you hate the groom.
If you’re unsure how to go about this process, I’ve written many speeches for Maid of Honor’s who don’t like the groom and I’d love to help you write your perfect wedding speech! Please visit my Etsy shop for custom wedding speech options.
Until Next Time,