How To Write a Maid of Honor Speech For Someone You Don’t Like?

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How To Write a Maid of Honor Speech For Someone You Don’t Like?

Whether you’re estranged siblings, friends who have had a falling out or for any other reason, if you find yourself needing to learn how to write a Maid of Honor speech for someone you don’t like, I’ll share a few tips and examples to help you out!

Assumptions About Your Wedding Speech

For the purposes of this blog, we’re going to assume that you have to give the speech, so we won’t cover how to step down from the role you’re in or how to tell the person you won’t be giving a speech (we’ll cover that in a future blog!).

For this blog, we’re also going to assume you’re representing the bride with this speech, so I will be using the terminology “Maid of Honor” and “Bride,” but these tips can be used for various situations.

How to Start Your Maid of Honor Speech if you Don’t like the Person

1. Think about something nice about the bride

You don’t want to write your speech when you’re feeling negative emotions about the bride because it will come out in your writing, so take a few moments to think about something nice about the bride.

Stuck on ideas?

  • Consider how beautiful their wedding dress looks on them (if you’ve seen it)
  • Think about a memory about them that is positive (or even neutral) – you don’t even have to be in this memory
  • Consider any pets or children that they have and their relationship with them (if applicable)
  • Think about something they’re good at. Are they talented knitters? Kickboxer? Are they excellent at finding great deals? Is their home lovely? Etc.

Once you think of one nice thing to set your mood about the bride, it’s time to start brainstorming!

2. What’s something that you like or appreciate about the bride?

This might not be an option for everyone, especially if your relationship has been negative for a long time, but try and think about something you like about the bride. If you already identified something above, you can use that!

For example:

  • They’re a really hard worker (e.g. at work, with family, at school, in the community etc.)
    • How to use this in a wedding speech: “you know they’ll bring this same determined and motivated approach to their marriage”
  • They’re pretty funny (even if their humour is not your style)
    • How to use this in a wedding speech: “you know their sense of humour will keep the couple laughing for a lifetime, and will help them through the challenging times, too.”
  • They’re a loving pet-parent
    • How to use this in a wedding speech: “this loving and caring nature is also obvious in their relationship with their partner, and you know it will help to keep their marriage strong through the years.”
  • They love video games (or drawing, hiking or anything they’re passionate about)
    • How to use this in a wedding speech: “they are a very passionate person, and whether they’re exploring fantasy worlds online or on a great adventure on the hiking trail, they always have fun and will bring this playful spirit into their marriage.”

3. What’s something that you like or appreciate about the couple?

You may or may not have been able to complete the exercises above, which is totally ok! Another great option is taking the focus off of the bride and putting it on the couple. This might be easier for people who like or feel neutral towards the bride’s partner and will help alleviate some of the pressure you’re feeling to focus on the bride in your wedding speech.

For example:

  • They love travelling
    • How to use this in a wedding speech: “Kelly and Pat love exploring the world, and they are the best travel partners! When it comes to the planning, packing and navigating, they work as a team, and I know they’ll bring this same partnership and passion into their marriage.”
  • They’re really handy/crafty
    • How to use this in a wedding speech: “Kelly and Pat are always doing the coolest home renovation projects whether it’s their kitchen redesign or their newly landscaped backyard, there’s nothing these two won’t tackle! This determination and creativity will be a huge benefit for their marriage as I know they’ll work together to overcome all the challenges and enjoy all the successes! Plus, any couple that can make it through that many renovations can get through anything!
  • They love hanging out at home.
    • How to use this in a wedding speech: “Kelly and Pat always enjoy each other’s company and love spending a quiet evening together. They’ve really created a warm home that’s filled with so much love, and I know they’ll create the same environment for their marriage too!”

4. What’s something you would want in a marriage (or have in your own)

Again, you may or may not have been able to complete the previous tips, and that’s still ok! Another tip is writing about what you value in marriage (if this applies to you and your beliefs).

Here you can write about what marriage means and then tie it back into the couple with a wish for their marriage.

For example:

  • Respect and love
    • How to use this in a wedding speech: “Respect and love and important pillars to a happy marriage. When we respect someone, we give them the attention and kindness we know they deserve. When we love someone, we accept them, and we forgive them. Kelly and Pat, my wish for you as you start this journey is to share a marriage filled with endless respect and love. Do this, and I know you’ll have a great one!”
  • Adventure and new experiences
    • How to use this in a wedding speech: “Growth is an important part of being an individual and a couple and, in my opinion, one of the best ways to grow is through new experiences! Kelly and Pat, my wish for you is that you share many great adventures and new experiences together. Encourage each other to move out of your comfort zones and embrace the unknown! Do this, and I know you will continue to grow together and will have a marriage filled with beautiful memories!”
  • Laughter and fun
    • How to use this in a wedding speech: “To me, laughter really is the best medicine. It helps reduce stress, it puts things into perspective, and it definitely makes life more fun! Kelly and Pat, my wish for you is that you share a marriage filled with lots of fun and, of course, endless laughter!”

Complete the Writing Exercises and Then Take 24 Hours Before Writing your Speech

Try and complete all the exercises here and then take 24 hours away from what you’ve written down, then come back to it with fresh eyes. You’ll likely be surprised with something you’ve come up with and can use this idea (big or small) to start your speech.

Brainstorm: You Just Need One Idea to Write Your Maid of Honor Speech

All you need is one small idea to spark your speech and then write around that one idea. Once you have your topic, whether it’s the bride’s hard work ethic, the couple’s love for renovations, or marriage advice, start writing (without worrying about what comes out–you’ll polish it later).

Free write on that topic for 3 minutes without worrying about:

  • Grammar
  • Whether it relates to the couple
  • Whether it relates to the wedding
  • Without thinking about how much you don’t like this person

Once you have your 3-minute free write completed, see if there’s anything you can work with and highlight it. Do this as many times as you need to get enough information to fill out your Maid of Honor speech.

If you still need more, consider adding quotes, lyrics from music, or marriage advice you’ve heard or read online.

Edit your Maid of Honor Speech

Once you’ve got all your ideas into a rough draft, it’s time to edit and refine. See if you can make it flow kindly and in a way that you’re comfortable reading in front of an audience.

Once you’ve got your edits completed, it’s time to practice! If you’re feeling nervous about giving your speech, check out my 7 speech delivery tips!

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