“Marriage Makes Me Feel Like I’m Losing My Best Friend: Is This Weird?” We know that wedding planning and adjusting to life as a newly married couple can be stressful. But did you know weddings and marriages can be stressful for friends and family too?
As a professional wedding speech writer who often works with the Maid of Honor and Best Man, I’ve heard this line many times: “marriage makes me feel like I’m losing my best friend.”
So, if you’re in this situation, you’re not alone.
Relationship dynamics can change after marriage
While each marriage and situation are unique, many people face dynamic changes after marriage, especially with friends.
Some examples can include:
- Before marriage, you and your best friend lived together, and now they’re moving in with their spouse
- After marriage, your best friend is moving with their spouse to another city
- Your friend will be spending more time with their spouse and the families after marriage
- Your friend and their spouse are planning on starting a family right away
Each situation is unique
Whether your friend is moving far away, or you just feel like things will change after marriage, you’re not alone with your feelings.
Relationships and friendships, especially with our closest friends, hold an important place in our lives. I commonly have Maid of Honor’s telling me that their friendship with the bride is “the most important relationship of their life.” So, any change to that friendship can feel scary.
We can feel like we’ll be left behind
We’ve all heard about close friendships where people drifted apart from each other once “life got busy.” Many of us have experienced this personally, too.
So, it’s ok to fear that your friendship will change after marriage.
However, be mindful to not let this fear become a self-fulfilling prophecy (i.e., worrying they’ll leave you behind so you start pulling away first).
What do you do if “marriage makes me feel like I’m losing my best friend?”
I believe there’s a line to walk here, especially if your friend is planning their wedding.
Remember that your friend is likely very excited about the wedding (and is likely very stressed with all the planning). So, try and be empathetic to their current emotional state.
However, having a conversation with your loved one about your fears can be a helpful way to ease your worries. A conversation also lets the bride know how you feel as they might not have had any idea.
How do you have this conversation?
While I’m not an expert on difficult conversations, there are plenty of blogs out there from people who are experts. I will say to approach the conversation with kindness and love while being mindful of how they’re feeling, too.
If you’d like some tips about having a difficult conversation, a Psychology Today article by Dan Mager MSW on “How to Have Difficult Conversations” is a great resource.
Have any of your friendships changed after marriage?
Have you experienced any changes to your friendships after marriage? Let me know in the comments below!